When a child is diagnosed with a cardiac condition, the family’s world shifts overnight. Appointments multiply. Conversations change. Worry settles into the air.
And quietly, often unnoticed at first, siblings begin their own journey.
Siblings may not have the words to explain what they’re feeling, but they feel it deeply. Their brother or sister becomes the focus — not out of favouritism, but out of necessity. Adults talk in hushed tones. Routines change. Parents are distracted, exhausted, and emotionally stretched.
For siblings, this can be confusing and unsettling.
The Feelings Siblings Carry
Fear
Many siblings worry silently. They may wonder:
- Is my brother or sister going to die?
- Will they be okay?
- What if something happens when no one is home?
Children often imagine worst-case scenarios when information is vague or incomplete.
Jealousy and Guilt
Siblings may feel jealous of the attention their sibling receives — and then feel ashamed for feeling that way. They may think something is wrong with them for wanting attention too.
Both feelings can coexist with deep love.
Anger or Acting Out
Some children express their distress through behaviour: irritability, withdrawal, regression, or defiance. This isn’t misbehaviour — it’s communication.
The Pressure to Be “The Easy One”
Many siblings try to compensate by being extra good, extra helpful, or emotionally quiet. They don’t want to add to the stress. Over time, this can leave them feeling unseen.
What Siblings Need Most
Honest, Age-Appropriate Information
Children do better when they understand what’s happening. Simple, truthful explanations reduce fear far more than silence.
Let them ask questions — even the hard ones.
Reassurance Without Dismissal
Phrases like “Don’t worry” can feel invalidating. Instead try:
- “It’s okay to be scared.”
- “We are doing everything we can.”
- “Doctors are helping your sibling.”
Permission to Feel Everything
Make it clear that all feelings are allowed — even jealousy, anger, or confusion. Feelings don’t make them bad siblings.
Dedicated Attention
Even small moments matter:
- A walk together
- Reading a book at bedtime
- A check-in conversation
These moments tell siblings: You still matter.
Helping Siblings Feel Included, Not Invisible
When possible, involve siblings in appropriate ways:
- Let them help pack a hospital bag
- Allow them to make a card or drawing
- Give them simple “helper” roles if they want them
At the same time, protect them from adult-level stress. They do not need to carry responsibility for outcomes.
The Strength Siblings Develop
Though this experience is hard, many siblings grow in remarkable ways:
- Increased empathy
- Emotional awareness
- Compassion for others
- A strong sense of family connection
Still, strength should never come at the cost of being heard.
A Note to Parents
If you’re parenting a child with a cardiac condition and their siblings, know this: you are juggling more than most people can see.
You will not get it perfect.
You will miss moments.
You will feel torn.
What matters is intention, honesty, and repair.
A simple “I know this is hard for you too” can mean everything.
Siblings are not just witnesses to a diagnosis — they are part of the story. With support, reassurance, and love, they can move through this journey feeling secure, valued, and deeply connected to their family.
How Family Therapy Can Help
When one child is diagnosed with a heart condition, the impact is not contained to one person — it ripples through the entire family. Family therapy offers a space where everyone’s experience can be acknowledged, not just the medical story.
Giving Siblings a Voice
Siblings often hold their feelings quietly to avoid adding to parental stress. In family therapy, they are gently invited to share what the diagnosis has been like for them — in words, play, drawing, or behaviour — at a pace that feels safe.
This helps siblings:
- Feel seen and heard, rather than overlooked
- Understand that their feelings are normal and valid
- Reduce anxiety caused by unanswered questions or imagined fears
When children feel included in conversations, fear often softens.
Helping Parents Balance Competing Needs
Parents are often pulled in multiple emotional directions — protecting the unwell child, supporting siblings, managing their own fear, and holding the family together. Family therapy supports parents to:
- Respond to siblings’ needs without guilt or self-blame
- Recognise signs of distress that may otherwise be missed
- Find ways to offer reassurance without minimising emotions
- Repair moments where siblings may have felt overlooked
It’s not about being perfect — it’s about staying connected.
Improving Communication Across the Family
A cardiac diagnosis can change how families talk — or stop talking — about difficult topics. Family therapy helps create a shared language so that:
- Children can ask questions safely
- Parents can explain what’s happening in age-appropriate ways
- Emotions are expressed without fear of upsetting others
Clear, open communication reduces confusion and helps everyone feel more secure.
Reducing Long-Term Emotional Impact
Unspoken fear, jealousy, or pressure to “be the easy one” can linger long after the medical crisis settles. Family therapy helps prevent these feelings from becoming ingrained by:
- Addressing anxiety early
- Supporting emotional regulation for children and adults
- Strengthening family bonds during prolonged stress
This early support can make a lasting difference to siblings’ emotional wellbeing.
How Poppy’s Light Can Support Families
For many families, the cost of family therapy can be a barrier to accessing this vital support. Poppy’s Light helps by providing funding and grants for families affected by inherited cardiac conditions, including therapy that benefits siblings and parents alike.
Through Poppy’s Light, families can:
- Access family therapy sessions that might otherwise be unaffordable
- Receive tailored psychological support for the whole household
- Feel supported by a trusted organisation dedicated to children and families impacted by cardiac diagnoses
This means siblings, parents, and children with a heart condition can all get the professional support they need — without added financial stress.
Strengthening the Family as a Unit
Perhaps most importantly, family therapy reminds everyone that they are facing this together. It reinforces:
- A sense of safety and belonging
- Mutual understanding between siblings and parents
- Shared resilience without emotional suppression
Family therapy doesn’t remove the diagnosis — but it helps families carry it with less isolation, less misunderstanding, and more compassion for one another.
A Final Thought
Siblings don’t need to be strong all the time. They need to feel safe, informed, and emotionally held.
With family therapy, funded or supported by Poppy’s Light Foundation, and guided by the expertise of Select Psychology and CalmTogether, siblings can move through this experience not feeling invisible or burdened, but valued, understood, and deeply connected to their family.
And that support helps the whole family heal together.
Written by: Sarah Myburgh
Managing Director at Select Physcology
Image © by Delia Pindaru’s Images.